The Holi Moli Dilemma is a battle of the shoulds and woulds. A ‘should’ is nothing but, doing something other than what you would have done otherwise if a should did not exist. A would is deliberate purposeful decision made out of your own heart and intent.
A life of ‘shoulds’ is a cursed fate of denying yourself of your own destiny, dreams and purpose. This path will lead to accumulation of ‘woulds’ you denied yourself, numbing your very soul daily by not pursuing that path. We all know what we would have done if we weren’t forced into the life’s path of the shoulds – the road filled with expectations, obligations, responsibilities and duties of others.
Life’s Crisis of Dependency
Our dependence on time, events, celebrations-national festivals like holi or global festival like valentines day, reveals a stark contrast between the quality of our daily lives and our lives as experienced on these anticipated weekends or holidays. Normally the latter life is filled with enthusiasm and excitement levels which are otherwise absent in the former.
The more excited we are about these days, the more it shows how much bored we are with our other days. The anticipation of any such event highlights the inherent need to escape the present situation. Just like when we work or have our hands tied up in some tedious task our mind begins to wander, we think of play, or travel or yearn for the weekend.
We are often driven by external forces; we let the time drive our lives and the calendar be the judge as well as the decider of the level of our happiness, quality of our thoughts, effect of our actions and the strength of our motivations.
The Judge Called Calendar
A calendar is just a system for organizing our days for social, religious, commercial or any other purpose. It is not a force that drives our lives or the master that should be ordering and deciding our days for us. But we let it. We have given it such power that it is as if we seek permission from it before cherishing the day or simply taking time to relax, detach ourselves and have some peaceful quiet.
We use a calendar to manage events, be it weekends, holidays or festivals, but we forget to manage our own personal lives. It takes more than simple scheduling to nurture and organize our thoughts, plan our actions, and consciously take our decisions.
The Real Change
The state of our lives does not change by one single act of kindness or one single day of joy and celebration, it changes first with us, on a personal and individual level, which can then be practiced daily with each and every person on a social and a global scale.
Change in the peripheral activities like the way we celebrate or spend free time-by being more eco-friendly or participating in more activities, is like applying bandages to fix broken bones. The daily lives remain the same, monotonous, routine and not impassioned, expressive and colorful as they should be.
It is all the difference between the shoulds and woulds and the right ways and the easy ways.
“Don’t let other people’s ideas of success and good or meaningful work filter your perception of what you want to do. Listen to your heart and mind’s purpose; keep listening to that and even when the “shoulds” get really loud, stay in touch with what you hear within yourself.”
– Maria Popova
The Shoulds & Should Haves
When we spend our days, doing the shoulds which are- what is expected of us, pushed upon us as responsibility, or chosen by self-based on someone else’s vision, we rely more on rewards to push us further, incentives to get us going and external motivation to progress. Our main work that comprises a major part of our lives then becomes a cumbersome task because it is done as an obligation to avoid the criticism that awaits, if not done.
The Woulds & The Will
A would is driven by pure will, your own intent, from the center of your being. But now, over time, even that will has been tamed, its sharp edges have been blunted. Remember that a life of passion is driven by a purpose, such a life charges your every single moment and every single day emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. When you have found such a life, you would not need a reason to celebrate holidays and even birthdays; as every day will be a celebration of its own.